she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
