No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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