You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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