I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
