i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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