and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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