either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
