At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
