So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
