My liver just broke up with me...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
