The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
