yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
