defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
