Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
