pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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