just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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