I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
