explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
