Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
