I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
