bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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