If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
