I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
