My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
