Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
