Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
