Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He passed out mid-signature
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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