It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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