tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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