It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
