So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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