All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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