i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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