just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
