so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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