Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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