I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize