This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
