know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
