ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
