ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
