I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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