Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate all girls vehemently.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
