I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
