dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
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My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize