just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
