Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We had to coat check the pizza.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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