I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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