i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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