He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
