Soap is not a condiment
we made out on top of his cat.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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