Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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