so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
