I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
