I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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