Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You work out of a Hotel?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
