she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
