im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
