good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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