So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
