I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Damn victory sex feels great
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
