i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
