I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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