What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
