ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize