i would one night stand the shit outta him
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
