My Higher Power is John Stamos
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize