Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Randomize
