Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
