I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
