Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
